TV writer Tracy McMillan wrote one of the most memorable things I’ve ever read about marriage.  You can get advise from Dr. Phil and any of the hundreds of supposed experts on love and relationships, but nothing has resonated quite as strongly as what she had to say in her controversial HuffPo piece Why You’re Not Married. Even though I’ve known my beloved for years, something about marriage is truly transformative. No matter what anyone says, marriage is totally different from being just bf & gf.

The bottom line is that marriage is just a long-term opportunity to practice loving someone even when they don’t deserve it. Because most of the time, your messy, farting, macaroni-and-cheese eating man will not be doing what you want him to. But as you give him love anyway — because you have made up your mind to transform yourself into a person who is practicing being kind, deep, virtuous, truthful, giving, and most of all, accepting of your own dear self — you will find that you will experience the very thing you wanted all along:

Love.